The past couple of weeks has been sort of tough. On the old brain I mean. Mine. Having to remember lines from a script that is not exactly Shakespearean quality and having to say them while moving around without knocking into the furniture on stage. Things were so stressful that I missed the big event of the month: the announcement of the Budget by the prime minister!

And so, days after the big event, I went online to read what the fler had announced this time, and if his announcements were as entertaining as those he made on national TV on Malaysia Day. Sadly, it was not la.

Each year all of us Malaysians look forward to hearing what the prime minister would announce with the new budget. The word “goodies” is always bandied about by the media to describe whatever is being presented to the nation as the Budget.

And I can’t really remember the last time our Malaysian Budget was not “people-friendly”. That is the term the PR boys love to use, right? Along with words like “nod”. Like in newspaper headlines such as “Public nod for budget”. Meaning to tell us that Phwaar!!! The people are okay with what the PM announced.

Happy even.

Why are Malaysians always so happy about being given things that are rightfully theirs in the first place?

Ever think about that?

Wah! The government is going to be spending so many billions to build new schools, hospitals, low-cost housing. Say thank you.

Wah! The government is going to spend so many millions to take care of senior citizens, families of armed forces and other retirees and so on. Say thank you.

Wah! The government is going to spend so many billions to make life better for you. Say thank you.

Excuse me. The money you are spending is mine anyway. And you flers are merely the staff we “employed” to manage that money properly so that we can enjoy the fruits of our labour. You make sure that all my needs are taken care of first. Then if you have something to spare, then tell me about what goodies you are going to give me for allowing you to remain in your job. That should be the way ma? Right or not?

Now you use my money to buy submarines that don’t submerge. You live in a house that requires millions of ringgit just to keep the garden trimmed. And you have more money, or seem to, than I shall ever imagine possible for any one of your “employers”.

I have a mortgage on my house which has a garden the size of your doorstep. And each time I look at my bank account I either cry tears of frustration or laugh in terrified hysteria at the three digits in front of the decimal point that stare back at me.  

But I do have something that submerges or goes down under water la. My quality of life here in my home country.

Of course the big news last month was the repeal of the Internal Security Act or ISA. Phwaar! The media exploded with stories of Malaysians applauding. But the government was just giving back the basic rights of all Malaysian citizens, which they took away to begin with. So if a robber came back years later to return something he forcibly took from your home you say “thank you” issit?

Oh, by the way did you notice how the government tells us the “good” news about the abolishment of the need to apply and get approval annually to keep newspapers on the stands? No need already. Phwaar!

Everybody cheered. Good what! But the fine print read that the power to withdraw the printing licence can still be exercised at the discretion of some minister or other. So waffor? Same thing what.

And then some more we already know all the newspapers and radio and television stations belong to the political parties that make up the government flers anyway. So how does the abolishing of the need for annual renewal of printing licences affect us? We seem to be always happy at getting hand-outs of one sort or another. Whether those hand outs are worth jack we don’t seem to care.

This morning I opened the papers to see the story about our prime minister having breakfast with his family at some kopitiam. Phwaar! And that seemed to have made so many of us sooooo happy. A politician comes to the ground to mingle with the rakyat, the people who elected him, the people whom he should be serving and it becomes a big deal? Why ah?