He who laughs last…
Writer: Patrick Teoh
Published: Fri, 08 Apr 2011
As I sit down to write this a lot of funny things are happening in my country. Sex scandals. Snap elections threats.
Detailed explanations of when a Bribe is not a Bribe but a Gift.
The list goes on, so much so that it is almost impossible to have a day pass without something to laugh about. But sometimes, after the laughter ceases, the same events bring tears to our eyes.
Here’s something funny to start with. Some days ago I commented on my Facebook page about the deputy prime minister proudly announcing that he feels that there is “growing public support” for Barisan Nasional, which, to him, has boosted the coalition’s confidence in “wresting” back Selangor from Pakatan Rakyat.
I commented that being the ruling federal government, there are allegedly quite a number of ways of cultivating “growing public support”.
Like postal votes which ap-pear magically from … somewhere la, because nobody really knows or says where they are from. (As far as I know, only very few Malaysians are allowed to send in postal votes. Well, maybe not that few, actually. No, ah? Anyway.)
Like illegal voter transfers. You know what that is, don’t you? It’s like you’re so very sure that you’re going to be voting in Section This One. “Ya la. Sure one! I do that before ma.”
On polling day you go to Section This One and are told: “Maaf ya. Now you need to go to Section That One to vote because you have been transferred.”
Do they need your permission? No. Do they inform you or need to? No.
Like handing out “goodies” during or immediately prior to important elections. Which one minister has already proudly announced that it is not to be considered bribery. It is merely the government’s way of fulfilling its elections promises made during the last elections.
Said minister’s explanation is far funnier. Read this quote attributed to the Yang Berhormat: “For example, the handing out of sewing machines, if it is not given during election, it would still be given out at a later date. What is the difference? Is this an offence?”
Ha ha ha ha! Of course it is not an offence la. It is merely the government’s method of public support cultivation ma. Right?
And as I am writing this I am also reading about the deputy prime minister fertilising the crops in the state of Sarawak. And boy, is he doing a great job. It’s promising to be a bumper crop I think.
RM73million is going to be distributed to schools in Sarawak.
Wah! Good innit?
And most of the recipient schools just happen to be missionary schools. A big portion of the funds will also go to Chinese schools. With that kind of manure sure will get bumper crop, right?
But in the same cerita, the best line came from the chief minister of Sarawak when he said: “… A lot of assistance is needed, so the deputy prime minister is giving a little at a time to solve the problem.”
Giving a little at a time to solve the problem? Something has to have been lost in translation!
An online friend of mine lost his mother to cancer some years ago.
And although it has been a number of years since his mother’s passing, this friend still misses her very much. And so as a loving, filial son he looks forward to each general election.
Why? That’s when his mother returns to vote. At least, that’s what the election rolls tell him.
If you have lost a loved one, don’t despair. The next GE is around the corner, and I am quite sure that at least some of you will be able to see returning parents, brothers, sisters, relatives and friends very soon.
So, don’t forget to go and register to vote at the next GE and also go and check if your friends and loved ones are going to make the trip back from the other side, okay?
Also don’t forget to ask for your gift from your YB. Don’t need to be shy or feel guilty for being part of this questionable practice.
After all, it’s only a gift ma. And what they will give you is rightfully yours anyway. So it’s just taking back what they took from you. No?